Archive for the ‘Google’ Category

So, just what have I been doing?

February 24, 2008

That seems to be the question everyone has been asking. My in box, crammed full with people begging, pleading, “Why haven’t you written anything lately? Are you ok?” My phone hasn’t stopped ringing from my throngs of adoring fans… ok, maybe that’s just the ringing in my head… or the voices, it’s too muffled to make out. No, actually it’s more of a hum. It has been been awhile (over a month actually). And what HAVE I been up to? Well, two things. 1) I’ve really been going hard at my new hobby (being an internet marketing mogul) and 2) (almost ashamed to admit it, but) Oblivion (Elder Scrolls IV). I haven’t played a computer game in… wait, I’ll have to consult with one of those voices. Ah, yes, yes I remember… He tells me it’s been a while. I don’t know why I started playing, somehow just got sucked into it. A complete and utter time waster, but what-ya gunna do? I am proud to say, however, that I have flushed many more hours down the toilet (almost backed up on me once, but I managed to clear it) trying to be an SEO monger. Surely you have seen the links off to the right. My SEO experiment? Basically my goal at this point is to get a site together (done) and then getting it ranked, hopefully on page one of the SERPS (Search Engine Results Page(s)), (work in progress). I’ve played around with making pages a few years ago, but never really pursued it. Needless to say I’ve had to brush off quite a bit of dust on the ole html and css skills. However, as I made, remade, and then made again my site, I realized (after manually making my first “spider food” page (that would be a page optimized for search engine web crawlers)) that my approach was total crap and I needed to straighten it out and automate. To sum it all up, I needed to embrace the seedy world of… black hat <dramatic music>duh, duh, duuuhhh</dramatic music>. So to begin my journey to the dark side, I needed to learn a scripting language. The flavor of the moment for the internet, or intraweb depending on your level of sophistication, (actually, for several years now) has been PHP (oh, and I like intraweb). So got a bunch of reading material, Zend Developer Studio, and got cracking. Skipped right over the whole “Hello World!” gar-bah-shz and got right to work. And the result? After endless hours/days/weeks of slugging it out… He, he, heee. I’m actually going to save that for my next post (not as dramatic as you may think unfortunately). Hopefully Monday (I’m going to make it a several part series, I think, I’ll know how much material I actually have to work with once I actually start writing). For the moment, I’m going to slap some links below that you can feel free to ignore. I want to see how the google-monster is going to like my new approach, but the problem is, I’m having a problem getting google to pay attention and get indexing! Argh. Google likes my blog for some strange reason (though I’m sure the same can be said for everyone here at WordPress) sooo hopefully if I put links here, that will encourage the G-shredder to, well, pay attention. Oh, and if you were wondering, noooooo, I am not nor do I have any intention of becoming a spammer. This is going to be quite a challenge though. I want to rule the serps, but I need to find a kinder, gentler way of doing it. However, one may make the argument that the very site that I am trying to move up the ranks is, itself, spam, or at least a site that is contrary to the intent of search indexes. But I would have to disagree. The stuff I talk about, a digital camera, is perfectly good and accurate content that people may find interesting, which is the purpose to which indexes serve. Perhaps that should be the first article because actually, I am a bit irked at google (I never bother with the other engines so I can comment on them). Pages that are so blatantly obvious spam get ranked higher than quality pages and, because of the patent discrimination that google dishes out to new sites to the benefit of old, established ones, some sites will never get a good ranking. I understand PageRank and the need to sandbox new sites, but I’ll give a quick example. Digital cameras. Manufacturers spit out press releases about various new products. Web sites *cough* cnet *cough* with automated programs immediately swipe’em (these releases are published through rss feeds) and stick them up on their own site. Established site after established site (there are others besides cnet) do this with out modification or adding content. The result? When you search for, ohhh, I don’t know, maybe the fujifilm finepix f50fd? You get the exact same stinking press release on page one of the serps from umpteen established sites. Google is suppooose to have a duplication filter that punishes such spam-looking practices (black hatters posting the same content on a bunch of different sites) by allowing one copy to show and pushing the others way far down in the results or de-indexing them altogether. What you end up with is an almost Microsoft type monopoly of the page one serp. There are a lot of good, smaller sites out there that work hard at producing solid content, but will never see the light of day on page one because of the choke hold more established sites have. Which, because of the ranking system, sets up an almost perpetual motion machine with these sites. They’re already on page one because of their status, this causes huge amounts of traffic to go to them, which thereby only solidifies their hold. It’s not fair I tells-ya. Whew! But, as I have said before, what the bloody heck do I know? I’m just a grasshopper. So how is that for a post? My longest one yet.

Spam-o-licious links: finepix f50 f50fd 12 f50 battery finepix noise ninja f50 ccd fujifilm finepix
p.s. once they have served their purpose, I’ll probably go back and delete these (assuming I remember).


Behold! The dancing banana!

Could it be? Is it possible? A gPhone released in as little as two weeks?

August 27, 2007

g is for Google. All you suckas out there who plunked down $5-600 clams on that over priced, over hyperbole-ed iToilet might want to get a load of this one. The rumor mills are all a buzz (as they were earlier this year). As it goes, some guys in India (having something to do with Google) have supposedly leaked that, as the title says, this phone could be unleashed onto the public in both Europe and the US with a possible release in India in as little as two weeks. I don’t know the story, but (as it goes) it is to have a Linux-powered engine with ad-supported service. How will this affect other cell phone companies that have integrated googleware? Who knows, but if this it true, their backsides might be feeling a bit sore. Ya know, I used to be warm and fuzzy about the big G, but now I’m not so sure. They are saving all of our e-mails (with Gmail), no doubt turning Google Earth into some kinda visual tracking whatever, and if this is true, will be listening in on (and recording) every conversation we ever have. I can see it now, voice recognition knows what you are saying, Google then jumps into the conversation mimicking the person you were talking to, and then tries to convince you to buy some pill to decrease the angle of your dangle. Scintillating. You can read stories about this here, here, and here. I’m sure its all over the place by now. Just search for it, gulp, on Google.


I’m #1! I’m #1! Did… did I mention that I’m #1?

July 21, 2007

Well I am… Oh, I suppose you might be wondering #1 at what? As it turns out, I have managed to do in just a few days what most search engine optimizers (SEO, but actually the “O” really stands for optimization) have never done or will ever do. I’m number one on Google. I’m also number one on dogpile and (although I’m pretty sure they are really the same thing). Go ahead, give it a try. I dare you. No, I double-dog dare ya. Go to Google and type, “deadgrasshopper”. For some reason Yahoo hasn’t indexed me yet, or I didn’t look deep enough in the results. Or, maybe Yahoo only indexes the relevant stuff.

-the hopper dancing-banana.gif