Archive for July, 2007

Father Brown stops by to knock some sense into Junior. Will it stick?

July 31, 2007

So Gordon Brown decided to drop by and pay a little visit to Junior Monday. Obviously, we don’t know exactly what was said. But, I’m pretty sure that once you boil down all of the pomp and circumstance it was basically, “What the hell are you doing?” with sprinkles of, “Why have you dragged England into this?” I do have to hand it to el Gordo, however. While Blair struck me as that parent who so desperately wanted to be the “cool one” and so let his kid get away with murder, Gordie seems to be more of the disciplinarian who will pull the reigns taught when needed. Perhaps, in the end, Gordon might have a greater positive impact on US foreign policy than on England’s. One can only hope.


Gimme your lunch money!

July 26, 2007

Hey man, I don’t any trouble.


NEWS FLASH – The Grim Reaper is a cat! (and his name is Oscar)

July 26, 2007

That’s right folks. And apparently he’s operating out of Providence, Rhode Island. A nursing and rehabilitation center to be specific. Turns out that 2-year-old Oscar has an uncanny ability to know when a patient is in the final hours. Usually about two to four hours before, Oscar will come into the room, hop onto the bed, curl up, and stay there. So far, he has been right over twenty-five times. He is so good, in fact, that doctors and hospital staff will use this time to notify family and make arrangements. He even has an article in The New England Journal of Medicine. Sleep tight. Is it getting cold in here? Read the story.


You mean Chihuahuas aren’t completely useless?

July 24, 2007

So, much to my surprise, it turns out that not all Chihuahuas are parasitic rats masquerading around as dogs. At least one of them, ten-month-old Zoey, has managed to do more than just stand around and shake. This Masonville Colorado resident selflessly jumped directly in the path of a three foot rattlesnake that was about to strike her boy, a one-year-old child. (Or maybe she finally realized that she was indeed a Chihuahua and decided life wasn’t worth living anymore. Who knows.) She was stuck in the head, which swelled to the size of a large grapefruit, but managed to survive after being treated. I wonder how long she is going to milk this one? Anywho, hip, hip, hooray for Zoey! Story here (and includes an image of the hero).

2,275 ft, 160 floors, and one…

July 23, 2007

I’m sure by now everyone has heard of what will soon be the newest tallest building in the world. At some point in the near future (the end of next year), the Burj Dubai will be thumbing its nose at the rest of the world. It will stand as the new measuring stick for adequacy everywhere. Jealous? Yep, 2,275 feet, 160 floors, and one bathroom.

The Chinese government may not be perfect, but at least they execute their bureaucrats

July 23, 2007

As I said in my “about me” page, I don’t know what my voice will ultimately be in this crazy world we call the blogosphere. But on the whole, I envisioned it being an upbeat one with a slant towards humor. However, over the last two weeks I have heard/read some stories about the actions of a few in our government that have made me quite annoyed and perhaps just a bit, dare I say, angry. Being in this state of mind draws me to a story a few days ago of the Chinese government executing Zheng Xiaoyu, the head (or former head) of their FDA. And despite all of their faults and brutality, I think they may be on to something here.

First up, FEMA administrator R. David Paulson. Do I really need to go into this one? Formaldehyde in Katrina trailers, FEMA knowing but not wanting to confirm it for fear of “owning” the problem, FEMA lawyers advising not to do it, and Paulson, only after being forced to publicly face the facts, having the nerve to say, “This agency made the best decisions it could with the information it had,” and, “Now we know we have to do something different than we’ve done in the past.” I would say that he and everyone at FEMA needs to burn at the stake for this one, but frankly, I think that they have wasted more than enough taxpayer’s dollars. Therefore, I think a single shot to the head would be most cost effective. Oh, and let us not forget all those involved in spending $30 some-odd million to ship ice all over the country which later had to be dumped. You can read about the formaldehyde story here.

Now we have Julie A. MacDonald (anybody have a picture of her?), she resigned as the Deputy Assistant Secretary for Fish, Wildlife, and Parks for the Department of the Interior on April 30th. I’m assuming she did this to avoid having to go before a House oversight committee a week later which would have allowed the mainstream public to see just how much of an absolute jerk she is. She twice violated feral regulations by giving internal EPA documents to industry lobbyists, repeatedly violated the Endangered Species Act, rewrote conclusions of scientific field reports, commented on report drafts using language meant to belittle and censor field scientists, and numerous other acts that anger me too much to invest the time to type out. Her actions during her tenure have been so deplorable that the Inspector General for the Interior Department (ID) has referred her for administrative action. Although since she quite, I’m not sure what the ID can do. And what do you think the Bush administration’s opinion is? Well apparently they liked her behavior so much that in March 2005 they signed off on a $9,628 STAR award. An award for which no official justification has been given.

Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) Commissioner Edward McGaffigan. I cannot believe anyone thought that he was qualified to be the head of anything. Briefly, the General Accounting Office (GAO) set up a sting. They wanted to see if they could purchase moisture density gauges containing radioactive materials. To do this they had to get a license from the NRC. They made fake everything, applied, and received the paperwork they needed. What really burns me up is not only did the NRC not bother their heads to do an on-site inspection (Oh I don’t know, like perhaps the STATE of Maryland does?), but apparently they didn’t do any verification of the GAO’s phony application. What?! Were they just too busy checking out sport scores or downloading porn? Was it too much trouble to put the address on the GAO’s application into Google maps or mapquest? Anything? And this happened after new security measures where supposedly implemented due to September 11th. When asked about it McGaffigan said, “We’ve fixed the problem…”. So the deaths of some 3,000 people wasn’t enough to get these people to do common sense things, but being publicly embarrassed was. You can read the story here.

Its stories like these that make me glad that I am just a simple grasshopper.

I’m sure there are others. Feel free to add to the list.


President Cheney officially takes the reigns Saturday

July 21, 2007

So if you were hoping for some dry, in-depth political analysis of Darth Cheney officially seizing power today through the use of some phony-bologna colonoscopy on Curious George you can forget it (that didn’t sound right, although the “evil-doers” are probably just upgrading the mind control chip in his head – maybe now he’ll start saying “nuCLEAR” correctly). The only thing I’m wondering is what is going to come first: Scooter’s full pardon, the handing over of our environmental policy to the energy industry (coal powered power plants for everyone!), the invasion of Iran, replacing the Pentagon and the GAO with Halliburton, or him gunning down every Democrat he can find (followed by a full pardon). It’s your time to shine baby!! Oh, and bring back Enron!

I’m #1! I’m #1! Did… did I mention that I’m #1?

July 21, 2007

Well I am… Oh, I suppose you might be wondering #1 at what? As it turns out, I have managed to do in just a few days what most search engine optimizers (SEO, but actually the “O” really stands for optimization) have never done or will ever do. I’m number one on Google. I’m also number one on dogpile and (although I’m pretty sure they are really the same thing). Go ahead, give it a try. I dare you. No, I double-dog dare ya. Go to Google and type, “deadgrasshopper”. For some reason Yahoo hasn’t indexed me yet, or I didn’t look deep enough in the results. Or, maybe Yahoo only indexes the relevant stuff.

-the hopper dancing-banana.gif

A grasshopper’s IED

July 20, 2007

Ya they’re popping up everywhere. Some are easier to spot than others.